New Year, Same Old.

I didn’t choose when to fall down a rabbit hole of weirdness, waking up wondering, “What am I doing?”

I didn’t choose to lose my way a bit, and to be honest, I’m still struggling in the labyrinth of my mind. I wrote a letter to a friend yesterday that said, “Perhaps it’s the burden of the thinkers and the dreamers and the progressives to also be bogged down with depressive thoughts. Sometimes my mind feels like a faucet and I can’t turn it off, so it just drip, drip, drips on.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love to think. Thinking’s my favorite. There are also times, though, that my thinking gets trapped in an emotional state where I just can’t quite get myself to move forward. I’m stuck.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk this school year (as many of my family and loved ones know), and it makes me pretty difficult to deal with. Sometimes I find myself reaching, clawing, grasping out for anyone to hold, and sometimes, I come up short.

In this strange, transitional season, I have found some people upon whom I absolutely depend. Those people probably get tired of it (the late night phone calls, frantic texts… Mom, you’re my hero). I’m sure they get grumbly and mutter under their breath (Jesus Christ, if I have to hear her complain or cry one more time, I’m going to punch a wall), but they are absolutely one of the main reasons that I keep going.

It’s hard for someone like me to ask for help. I’m always the first to appease someone else and overlook my own needs (definitely to a fault). So when I do ask, realize it takes a lot of courage.

Understand that everyone has seasons in life where perhaps they struggle, either physically, emotionally, or because of external factors out of their control. Treat them with compassion. Love them. Forgive them. Do your best to fill their days with smiles, jokes, and in my case, Dove dark chocolate.

This is a love letter to everyone who is a helper, a lover, someone that goes out of their way to make another person smile.

You ARE appreciated.

Thank you.

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